Published in The Scandinavian Poodle Magazine - 1994, '95,
'96
If your dogs do not win as much as you think they should - you have two
choices:
a. You can concentrate on improving your dogs, or - if you find this too
hard, you can
b. Look for excuses why they don't win enough
- which is by far the easy way out.
If you choose the latter option, you will
also learn how to become a bad looser, step by
step:
1. The most important rule to remember is
never to congratulate the winner of the class.
If you ever feel that you have to, do not try to
produce a smile. Unless you have practised at
home, it's not going to look real. The best
thing to do, is just to walk out of the ring,
with an "Oh my God" expression on your face,
before anyone - including the ring steward - get
a chance to see your placement.
2. As there is only one winner, and many
losers, you will find yourself in good company
as soon as you get out of the ring. These will
make wonderful listeners, so take this
opportunity to convince them, and yourself, that
the judge was probably a friend of the winner's.
In other words, the decision was corrupt. The
word corrupt is willingly adopted by people who
are looking for excuses.
3. If the dogs of the same people beat your
dogs again and again, it's time to slightly
change the excuses. Now, tell yourself and the
other losers that they win only because they are
famous. Ignore the fact that they may have
become famous for a reason, for instance for
having the best dogs.
4. Another good excuse for constantly losing,
is to let people know that you find health and
temperament more important than exterior, when
breeding. In other words, you are a more serious
breeder than the winner. Serious is another good
word. It creates a lot of credibility.
5. The more the dogs of your competitors win
- the better reason you have to be suspicious.
Tell people that the top winner has most
probably been dyed, is wearing switches, is
drugged or has had several tooth and testicle
implants. Choose one, not all.
6. If you feel that the above arguments are
fading, you can always move on to the more
hidden faults. If you think carefully, surely
you will have heard rumours that the top-winner
has left a problem in at least one of his
offspring. You have a wide range to choose from:
try PRA, HD, patella, epilepsy or leg-perches
disease. Once the rumour is out and about, the
damage is done.
7. To change the subject slightly, you can
excuse your loss by blaming the owner of the
winner for walking his dog too close to yours
and thereby disturbing it. This will win you a
great deal of sympathy.
8. Another good excuse is that the winning
dog is "made-up" by the groomer and the handler.
Whether or not you have touched the dog, just
tell people that underneath that fantastic coat
and behind that flashy picture seen in the ring
- hides a total wreck.
9. If everything should fail, you have a
final devastating card on your hands: the
private lives of those who win. If you try hard
enough you can probably dig up something which
makes a story. Look for a divorce, and affair -
hopefully including a person within the breed,
or some financial problem. If you really can't
find anything, start to watch their eating and
drinking habits. Then when you add some of your
own spice to the story, you will find that most
people will eat the dish with great appetite.
10. When and if you do win a class, make sure you win in the style
you lose. Tell everybody that finally there was
an honest judge, who looked at the dog - not the
handler. |